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Original Cynic

by The Road To Ruin

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1.
I’m scared, I’m half there Sad and lost and lonely I can’t bear being bare And cover does become me I’ve come to escape the effects of the muscle That beats in the hole in my chest, it’s a puzzle A brief reprieve is all I need I’m working the easy way out Making my way the only way that I know how Working the easy way out Working the easy way out To be fair, I do care I’m sorry that that’s so hard to show But beware, I may tear Part of me is never home I’ve got to delay the array of dismay I just may be expecting, I’m disconnecting But a brief reprieve is all I need I’m working the easy way out Making my way the only way that I know how Working the easy way out Working the easy way out Working the easy way, working the easy way Working the easy way out Make it easy Make it easy Make it easy Make it easy
2.
I didn’t mean to be so rude I bowed down to my mood I don’t want to be misconstrued I’m working on my attitude And I know what I put you through It’s not a reflection on you And I know I lost some trust I earned And I still got so much to unlearn As I let my bitterness give way for tenderness Won’t ask by apology for your forgivingness But occasion by occasion I will rise Yeah occasion by occasion I will rise I don’t know how I get it wrong I’ve been working on it for so long I know better than to raise my voice Which is not to say it’s not a choice As I take my stubbornness and trade it for openness I do not ask you for a love that’s conditionless But occasion by occasion I will rise Yeah occasion by occasion I will rise There’s so much confusion and terror in me But I’m working on the person that I’d like to be And occasion by occasion I will rise Yeah occasion by occasion I will rise Yeah occasion by occasion I will rise
3.
Now that the solar system’s gone The oceans have froze over Don’t know if we’re the only ones So far from the controller Figuring out who I am in the dark Is the saddest thing I’ve ever done There is no light to reflect, only infinite depth For on and on I am a planet, I am alone out here Drifting along without my sun I am a planet, I am alone out here Drifting along without my sun And now the gravity is gone There’s nothing left to bind us So far from every other thing No one’s gonna find us Figuring out who I am in the dark Is the saddest thing I’ve ever done There is no light to reflect, only infinite depth For on and on I am a planet, I am alone out here Drifting along without my sun I am a planet, I am alone out here Drifting along without my sun What will become of me What will become of me What will become of me Now that I am free I am a planet, I am alone out here Drifting along without my sun I am a planet, I am alone out here Drifting along without my sun Drifting along without my sun
4.
All I do Is what you ask me to Now I request you do the same You love to tease, tease, tease But won’t you please, please, please Please do not riddle tonight ’Cause every single day, every single day, every single day I want to hold you And every single way, every single way, every single way I want to roll with you Let’s fall in love while our civilization Crumbles apart and returns to the ocean Maybe there’s something in human connection Maybe our spark will ignite an explosion Or maybe we’ll be dancing in the dark But this is the end of the world All I feel It is the real deal Give me a chance and I’ll prove it ’Cause every single day, every single day, every single day I want to hold you And every single way, every single way, every single way I want to roll with you Let’s fall in love while our civilization Crumbles apart and returns to the ocean Maybe there’s something in human connection Maybe there’s something in sharing oblivion Or maybe we’ll be dancing in the dark But this is the end of the world This is the, this is the end of the world
5.
There is no such thing as an innocent Every day we’re here we’re a part of it In the grand scheme of things what is your ploy How do you sleep at night like you’re a boy Be careful where you stray When you tell somebody what to do The devil has friends in places holier than you woot woo The devil has friends in places holier than you You can cross the line you swore you never would And you can wash your hands in another’s blood Go on to justify with your righteous words To a room of acolytes who’ve overheard Be careful where you stray when you tell somebody what to do The devil has friends in places holier than you woot woo The devil has friends in places holier than you So who do you think you are, telling me like it is, In a place you’ve never been Walking around like the only exception to original sin Be careful where you stray when you tell somebody what to do The devil has friends in places holier than you woot woo The devil has friends in places holier than you
6.
Limbo 04:42
In the to and fro, I come and go from the here to there It’s muddy and plain as I wait on the train, litter is everywhere A little music plays, it takes me away and mutes the morning mobs At least for a while, until the smallest child drowns out the beat in sobs And there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to undo what I have done And spend an afternoon with you picking apples in the sun Take me out of limbo and set me in motion Fly me in an aeroplane over the wide dark open sea Wake me up in Kalamazoo or Timbuktu, it’s up to you Just show me something beautiful I’ve never seen before A man in a scarf plays a plastic guitar and his partner sings They pass a sombrero to a girl with a tarot tattoo and a beaded ring I watch the shadow of tracks, as I go forth and back, so many windowpanes The people get up and go, till I’m left all alone, then only seats remain And there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to undo what I have done And spend an afternoon with you picking apples in the sun Take me out of limbo and set me in motion Fly me in an aeroplane over the wide dark open sea Wake me up in Kalamazoo or Timbuktu, it’s up to you Just show me something beautiful I’ve never seen before Show me something beautiful I’ve never seen before
7.
What is he there for, what does he care Someone else can go up, he’ll wait by the stairs Visiting’s always a heinous affair If they unlock their doors then their cupboard is bare Behind every face is a bill in disguise Behind every joke is a tear someone cries He says to himself for he’s all who will hear Would anyone notice if I disappear He’s just hogging the ball Everybody’s a critic But make way, make way, make way, make way For the original cynic Where is he going, getting nowhere He won’t talk to people, he avoids what they share He thinks he knows all the rules of charades Maybe he does, but nobody plays For behind every face are just eyes of concern Behind every stare is a question that burns They all call out to him, he does not hear For he is so lost in his personal fear He’s just hogging the ball Everybody’s a critic But make way, make way, make way, make way For the original cynic He’s the original, yeah the original, he’s the original cynic
8.
Where are the tears I should be crying Where is the tongue I should be biting Where is the grief I should be hiding Where is the despair I should be fighting I understand what’s happening, I can process information But I can’t feel a thing Where is my mind, it should be reeling Where’s the crushing pain, I should be kneeling Where are the blamed I should be cursing Where is the regret I should be nursing I understand what’s happening, I can process information But I can’t feel a thing Where is the love once overwhelming Where is the joy I couldn’t keep in As I’m left alone with my composure I smoke my cigarette and watch it smolder I understand what’s happening, I can process information But I can’t feel a thing No I can’t feel a thing
9.
I feel like I’m never gonna age I’m frozen in this space waiting for a gale I’m glad the things I love are far away I’m glad that they'll be safe when the raindrops fill the pail As no time at all becomes all the time I have Mercy finds a way to slow me down I wonder at the leaves, the insects and the reeds And I thank my life for every sight and sound Muted yellow light brings in the storm And the glow exposes every perfect form Spread out like a dress before it’s worn Unbloodied as the hand before the thorn Then the memory is all that’s left Records just keep breaking on the news But I don’t understand the system that they use I’m taken by the bruises in the sky And I’m lifted as the sunset starts to cry As no time at all becomes all the time I have Mercy finds a way to slow me down I wonder at the leaves, the insects and the reeds And I thank my life for every sight and sound Muted yellow light brings in the storm The glow exposes every perfect form Spread out like a dress before it’s worn Unbloodied as the hand before the thorn Then the memory is all that’s left
10.
I’m gonna lose you, you can call it what you want to But I can feel your spirit, I can feel it pulling away I’m looking through you, you don’t love me like you used to I can feel your spirit, I can feel it pulling away I’ve been to town, I’ve been around for so many years now You can’t get it by me, you can’t get it by me You can use affection as a misdirection But I can read the compass, we’re southbound heading for the pole And when the levee breaks down, whose side are you gonna take now Will you blame the river or are you gonna blame the hole I’ve been to town, I’ve been around for so many years now You can’t get it by me, so don’t even try me And when the flood has all but let me drown And the water that I tread is well over my head You’ll watch me sinking down Yeah I’ve been to town, I’ve been around for so many years now You can’t get it by me, you can’t get it by me
11.
Locker 04:05
With my back to Lucille as she sleeps on the bed I feel the piano, it’s gone to my head It’s three in the morning, so follows the chord I’m supposed to be dancing undone and adored Oh why am I terrified to call Minuet, Kindling’s confetti when the matches are wet And I’ve tried my best to understand it Yes I’ve tried my best to understand it I once had a locker of drawings I’d made So many hours of labor I paid I had no padlock, my papers were free But my system of honor one day betrayed me For at the end of the hallway, on the number I’d known I found a padlock that wasn’t my own And I’ve tried my best to understand it Yeah I’ve tried my best to understand it I look at the dogwood tree As the sun creeps up over the city Starling flies on the breeze Singing so beautifully And I’ve tried my best to understand it Yeah I’ve tried my best to understand it Yeah I’ve tried, yeah I’ve tried, yeah I’ve tried I once had a locker of drawings I’d made So many hours of labor I paid I had no padlock, my papers were free But my system of honor one day betrayed me
12.
You give me weakness, you give me lies Make me feel happy no matter what’s outside If I lose a weekend and I’m still half-dressed You take yourself apart and join me in my mess Guess I impress you, it’s hard to tell No you never seem to ask for any help And I get so much from your end Don’t know what keeps you chugging there and back again You give me something better than the truth And I don’t believe in anything but you You give me something better than the truth And I don’t believe in anything but you And when I play and veer off beat You kill the groove so you can follow me And I feel so safe, and I never grow I make the same mistakes until the other people go But that’s ok, ’cause when we get alone You make me feel so good that all the goons went home When my head is full of your lines I wipe you off my mustache and I step into the night You give me something better than the truth And I don’t believe in anything but you You give me weakness, you give me lies Make me feel happy no matter what’s outside Better than the truth, better than the truth You give me something better than the truth And I don’t believe in anything but you You give me something better than the truth And I don’t believe in anything, anything but you

credits

released November 4, 2022

All songs written by Miles Stenhouse
Produced, engineered and mixed by Miles Stenhouse
Mastered by Ralph Stover
Executive production by Adrian Bourgeois
Album cover by Nick Miller

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The Road To Ruin Brooklyn, New York

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